Purpose from the Heart

From a Dear Reader:
I have been trying to remember some of the things you said in reference to my state of mind or should I say heart....... would you be willing to write the essence of what you said? It was really good and want to chew on it ....the full essence of it
Very grateful for you and your willingness to share and help a fellow journeyer --
I so enjoy your spirit and heart.

We get so confused about this idea of “coming from heart”. Because our mind has been in charge for so long, we really have no idea what it means to come from heart.

So, let’s go about this a different way. Rather than figuring out (a favorite mind function) what to do and how to do it and so on, let’s just drop right into the body. What does that mean?
Stop.
Just notice, for this moment, the feeling of the breath. Your breath. In and out. How that feels. Notice – how the mind kicks in. Just notice that. And, just for this moment decide that – just for this moment – you’re going to just notice the breath. And how that feels. Decide that the mind can wait. For a moment.
Breathe.

We hear these words so often. So many spiritual teachers tell us to do this.
But then – then – the mind gets busy.
Trying to figure it out.

This is exactly the malady that ails us. And we are so used to this, we don’t recognize it for what it is.

To rest quietly in that place inside of us – by whatever name we call it or no name at all – that place that is quiet, this is the challenge, the answer and the solution.

To be quiet enough that we can notice – really notice – our breath. In and out. Try this for five consecutive breaths.

That which arises next – and it may be irritation, it may be anxiety, it may be impatience – this is what we need to notice is aggravating our situation. THIS is the culprit, itself. It tries to convince us that it arises “because of” – this that or the other – situation, person, lack. But IT – itself is the problem. The sensation we’ve grown so accustomed to that we live our lives finding excuses for it.

In our longing to find our sense of Purpose – that for which we are living – what we most need, more than anything is to let go of all that gets in the way. In the way of just LIVING. Here’s the thing: it is exactly impossible NOT to live our Purpose when we do this. Because our Purpose does not show up as a banner in the sky. It creeps in. On the undulating surface of the waves of our lives. In this moment and this one and this one. What presents itself to be done. What needs response. What we need to attend to. Here.

This IS our Purpose. Make no mistake about it – if we began a big mission with full intent of purpose and do not rest deeply in each moment of its accomplishment it will feel no different in its level of aggravation than the life we’re living now – the life in which we are not in full attendance.

That is the misery. Not being fully, deeply dedicated to this life we are in. The one that greets us each morning when we wake up. The one we pull up our boots and get dressed up for.

This is the life we have to do “our thing” within. And the sandbox we have is the one we open our eyes to – every single day.

This is not to say we can’t change the sandbox. We can. But believe me – there is no single place – no single sandbox with its new shiny toys that will entertain us for long until we get right down into the fullness and juiciness of it.

So that is our practice. Attending to what is in front of us to do. Now.

That man who is driving us crazy. That job that is killing us with boredom. All of it. Attend to it. Ask yourself: “In relation to this – what is the kindest thing I can do? For me, for it, for him, for her?”
And then – do it.
In the doing you will be kind to all of us.

And – you will be fulfilling your Purpose.

Sometimes the discontent we feel is calling us to do something worthwhile. This can be a good thing. If this is true, stop and look around – in your life right now. Who or what that you know or know about could use what you can offer? Often we think “doing something worthwhile” means something BIG. Something different, somewhere different. Something that will make a difference in some sort of a way that is in our mind – “for the world”. This is not where we make a difference. We make a difference here and now where we are, with what we are immediately aware of that needs attention.

It is big enough. It matters, and it matters enough. This is what there is to do. And it is worthwhile.

Sometimes our restlessness means we’re just not happy. If there is something that is truly wrong in our lives, it is incumbent upon us to change it. If what is wrong is that we have a habit of being unhappy – finding fault – with whatever there is, then THAT is what needs to change. Only we can answer that particular question for ourselves, because only we are the Soul in this incarnation having this exact experience.

Our Soul seeks us out. And sometimes in that process we feel the restlessness of knowing that something needs attention. This is good. Be very, very patient with yourself. It is your Heart that needs attention. Kindness.

You do know what to do. Because you are so very able to be Present with the ones with whom you share life. You know how to show up. You know what needs to be done.

Often this work is more challenging for those who are remarkably intelligent. We KNOW we know all this stuff already. So we can get caught in the frustration of: “so why isn’t it working out just yet? I already knew that.”

Translating this into the action of the body – this is the rub and it is just that translation that makes it come alive. Real.

Embodied as the wisdom we DO know. In this breath. Now.

Process

I’ve been in quite a process. Since moving to North Carolina, my husband and I have been on a continual hunt for our new home. Not “new” necessarily, but new to us. We imagine it being the place where we settle in for the long haul and grow old together. The place where every tree we plant will bear fruit within the season of the rest of our lives.

So, we’re being careful about where we plant ourselves and these said trees. And we’re having a hard time. It seems that every beautiful place we see has an HOA with restrictions so tight they make our neck veins bulge. One so-called green development with all the right upfront standards forbids any fruits or vegetables on the grounds that the neighbors (who are apparently into a “lifestyle” that includes no implied work) might find them offensive.

Another lovely development has a list of “preapproved plants” a new inhabitant in their restricted, elite neighborhood is allowed to plant.

Well, all of this feels like a big fat oppressive thumb on my creative, puttering soul. When I look out the window and see a potential hibiscus plant blooming in the lovely breeze inviting local hummingbirds to feast right outside my kitchen window, I don’t want to have to go through a committee to get approval before I can break ground.

What I’ve realized is that, like my lovely realtor who is becoming a fast friend keeps saying, this is a process. And more importantly, I’ve realized that I don’t WANT it to be a "process”. I want it to be over already. Decided. Settled. I want to be settled. In our new home – just right and just so. Well, but life IS a process. And this is yet one more glaring example of how that is so.

One also never knows upfront what “The Process” really means. How that will play out. To what conclusion. To my astonishment, I’ve realized the process so far has led me right back to my original assertions of what I want. I am learning that to stay true to self I need to be firm in the face of resistance by others who have their ideas about what might be right for me. So – the process is a deeply internal affair. Of setting my INSIDE home straight. Of staying true to Self, and holding on until the outer matches what I most deeply care about.

As I wrap around this realization and settle in for the long haul – of the process – I realize I get so much calmer. More sane. Less frenzied and in a hurry. I’m seeing that to stay true to the deepest principle one can find inside of one’s own soul is how one stays on track. And, then, maintaining a ton of flexibility in how the details play themselves out around that. Until the whole reflects that truing mark. Sometimes in a creatively new way – but still remaining true to an internal set of deeply held values.

I’ve been amazed to see how much resistance I’ve had to letting this –or anything, really, in my life – be a process. I want to be arrived. Spiritual. Wise. And settled in my new home already.

But, this life, like that blooming hibiscus that arose in my mind’s eye, is a continually changing, ever-growing, versatile, flexible, ever-evolving – process. Having seen this, I’m smiling with the kick I can get out of it.

This. The process.

Ego

There is some confusion, I think, about the definition of “ego”. Psychology, as a field, has stressed for some time the need to develop a strong ego – a sense of self identification – as a major component for a healthy psyche. The ability to define self as separate from others is seen as essential to keep from falling into abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationships in which our ability to make healthy choices for ourselves is deficient.

In apparent contrast, spiritual circles of all stripes tend to urge their followers to reduce the demands of ego, to think of others before oneself, or even instead of oneself.

How to sort all of this out?

I’ve come to see the topic of “ego” as less important than the awareness of how one sees oneself in relation to others and the world. This may be more a topic of self image, as it were. If we embrace the notion that we are all interconnected with one another and with a common origin of Life Itself (by whatever name we call it), we glimpse the truest meaning of being free of ego. Meaning, we realize that no action or thought we have is devoid of impact of/on the whole, because we are never really separate.

Having said that, we do have some square inches of territory we call the “self” over which we seem to have some unique control and choice. This, by definition, we could call “ego”. That sense of ourselves as separate enough from the whole that we can exert some choice and direction.

Herein we begin to run into the arena of how we deal with this “self-who-is-separate”. Do we berate her? Support her? Make healthy or unhealthy choices for her? And, all these decision points seem to revolve around those aforementioned messages we’ve absorbed about “self” in the first place.

To the extent that we extend kindness, compassion and gentle regard for the one we call self, we give ourselves a chance to succeed in a good way on this planet, Earth. If, instead, we feel it our obligation to “keep ourselves in line”, to punish ourselves for every little perceived transgression (as defined, usually, by some outside authority), we will be running scared and deficient from every opportunity as victims of our own minds. We are often taught to do this in the name of helping us be “better” people.

When we think about it, it is a form of hypocrisy to treat others better than we treat ourselves. It is just as odious as thinking of ourselves as the ONLY ones who matter. If we, in contrasting notion, think of ourselves as the only one who doesn’t matter – we’ve committed the same “crime” against humanity.

What one person can we consider as “less than” in our regard for health and wellbeing? If we make our one being that exception, we have still harmed a part of life.