Aging Gracefully

I’ve been reflecting lately on decline. As in, of the body. This life on this planet, as it goes through its various transitions.

The inevitable contracting that must happen after we’ve done our full bloom. Noticing the resistance to this.

The other morning, I sank into a very sweet spot of surrender into the inevitability of this return to the Source. I had the sense of relaxing – so deeply. Just letting it come. Letting myself start to feel the ebb of this tide that I have known myself to be. Letting myself realize that it just may be that I have accomplished my greatest works. That I am on the decline.

And – it is O.K.

It’s also OK if more comes up for me to do. To accomplish. To share. It is likely whatever that is will be from a calmer, less frenetic pace these days. More likely that my sharing comes from the deep Inner Stillness that nourishes me in ever greater capacity as this beloved form that my body has been begins its decomposing process.

Eckhart Tolle speaks of the inevitability of the contraction after expansion in his book The New Earth. This is not exactly new news, but how many of us actually think it applies to us? I mean – our very own, one, single self? Declining. Coming back to roost – with less energy, less vitality, less vim. Our urges may still be there, but as so many old-timers are heard to say, “My get-up-and-go got up and went.”

NOW I know what they’re talking about! I get it.

And, amazingly – it is O.K.

I know I said that twice. That’s the other thing I’m noticing. I savor things more. Repetition is realized to not necessarily represent forgetfulness so much as letting things come around again. We don’t mind repeating and savoring and slowing down what we’re enjoying.

Steeping in the broth. Enjoying it all a little bit more a little bit longer.

It seems things are speeding up all around us; and although I’m pretty sure this is factually true, it is also true that we are slowing down.

That’s the joy of aging. I really do mean that.

It really is quite delicious – this savoring of this moment. No matter how long it has taken us to notice it.

Process

I’ve been in quite a process. Since moving to North Carolina, my husband and I have been on a continual hunt for our new home. Not “new” necessarily, but new to us. We imagine it being the place where we settle in for the long haul and grow old together. The place where every tree we plant will bear fruit within the season of the rest of our lives.

So, we’re being careful about where we plant ourselves and these said trees. And we’re having a hard time. It seems that every beautiful place we see has an HOA with restrictions so tight they make our neck veins bulge. One so-called green development with all the right upfront standards forbids any fruits or vegetables on the grounds that the neighbors (who are apparently into a “lifestyle” that includes no implied work) might find them offensive.

Another lovely development has a list of “preapproved plants” a new inhabitant in their restricted, elite neighborhood is allowed to plant.

Well, all of this feels like a big fat oppressive thumb on my creative, puttering soul. When I look out the window and see a potential hibiscus plant blooming in the lovely breeze inviting local hummingbirds to feast right outside my kitchen window, I don’t want to have to go through a committee to get approval before I can break ground.

What I’ve realized is that, like my lovely realtor who is becoming a fast friend keeps saying, this is a process. And more importantly, I’ve realized that I don’t WANT it to be a "process”. I want it to be over already. Decided. Settled. I want to be settled. In our new home – just right and just so. Well, but life IS a process. And this is yet one more glaring example of how that is so.

One also never knows upfront what “The Process” really means. How that will play out. To what conclusion. To my astonishment, I’ve realized the process so far has led me right back to my original assertions of what I want. I am learning that to stay true to self I need to be firm in the face of resistance by others who have their ideas about what might be right for me. So – the process is a deeply internal affair. Of setting my INSIDE home straight. Of staying true to Self, and holding on until the outer matches what I most deeply care about.

As I wrap around this realization and settle in for the long haul – of the process – I realize I get so much calmer. More sane. Less frenzied and in a hurry. I’m seeing that to stay true to the deepest principle one can find inside of one’s own soul is how one stays on track. And, then, maintaining a ton of flexibility in how the details play themselves out around that. Until the whole reflects that truing mark. Sometimes in a creatively new way – but still remaining true to an internal set of deeply held values.

I’ve been amazed to see how much resistance I’ve had to letting this –or anything, really, in my life – be a process. I want to be arrived. Spiritual. Wise. And settled in my new home already.

But, this life, like that blooming hibiscus that arose in my mind’s eye, is a continually changing, ever-growing, versatile, flexible, ever-evolving – process. Having seen this, I’m smiling with the kick I can get out of it.

This. The process.