Envy and reality

An individual recently expressed envy to me about my circumstances in life. I’ve wondered about this, every time it occasionally happens, knowing the incredibly arduous path I’ve taken to achieve what I have. The difficult years and expense of medical school. The rigors of my chosen career. Never mind many personal travails that none of these folks know anything about.

But what fascinates me more about this whole thing is a recognition about envy, itself. What I see is that by focusing their energy on resenting me for what I have, those who fester in envy are looking away from their own possibilities. It is, in fact, a surefire technique for never getting what we want if we are caught in expressly noticing what we DON’T have.

I think about all the visualization and imagery techniques I’m familiar with. All of them, without exception, suggest the necessity of focusing on what we DO want – not on what we don’t want. I have a new wrinkle on this whole thing. I’ve noticed that if we focus on what we want with an air of dismissal – in whatever form – we set ourselves up for trouble. If there is a background drumbeat going on that accompanies a tune of “yeah, but –“ Yeah but ANYthing at all other than the purity of our intention, it buggers up the works.

It doesn’t mean we’ll necessarily get all and everything we say we want every single time. But, for sure we’ll be headed in the wrong direction if we have so many self-made obstacles to that trek that we’re shanghaied before we even get out the door!

I’ve done this on occasion, about this, that or the other. What I notice, though, is every single time I focus on the joy of whatever has arisen as a pure desire everything else becomes a nonissue. This is true whether the desire is to receive something or to give something and have it received. In fact, it is the latter category that has most often tripped me up.

But, I notice that if my focus is simply expressing myself as fully as possible, with the pure intention of doing so, I do OK. It is truly not for me to decide where or how far that which I offer goes. It is for me to give it. To show up. To offer what I can, in each moment and to each moment. And to open fully to that which is called forth from within me.

I notice that as I surrender to the joy of experiencing that which I say I want – as an act of pure love in its expression there are simply no issues about it! When I open to the purity of my desire to receive or have something, whether it is a “thing” or a state of mind, there is such clarity of path for its fulfillment. And when I open to expressing that which is in me to give, there is sheer joy in the act, itself.

Receiving and giving feel oddly like just breathing in and out when I do this. There is such sublime joy in the whole flow of this dynamic, I feel myself right on track again. More than anything, giving ourselves permission to live in the innocence of ourselves at this level unbuggers the stuck places.

We were meant for this – this breathing in and breathing out. This simple and pure receiving – and giving. Each of us. In the unique expression of Life that we are. Not to be replaced by any other person in HER pure expression of self. Each of us – enough.

Process

I’ve been in quite a process. Since moving to North Carolina, my husband and I have been on a continual hunt for our new home. Not “new” necessarily, but new to us. We imagine it being the place where we settle in for the long haul and grow old together. The place where every tree we plant will bear fruit within the season of the rest of our lives.

So, we’re being careful about where we plant ourselves and these said trees. And we’re having a hard time. It seems that every beautiful place we see has an HOA with restrictions so tight they make our neck veins bulge. One so-called green development with all the right upfront standards forbids any fruits or vegetables on the grounds that the neighbors (who are apparently into a “lifestyle” that includes no implied work) might find them offensive.

Another lovely development has a list of “preapproved plants” a new inhabitant in their restricted, elite neighborhood is allowed to plant.

Well, all of this feels like a big fat oppressive thumb on my creative, puttering soul. When I look out the window and see a potential hibiscus plant blooming in the lovely breeze inviting local hummingbirds to feast right outside my kitchen window, I don’t want to have to go through a committee to get approval before I can break ground.

What I’ve realized is that, like my lovely realtor who is becoming a fast friend keeps saying, this is a process. And more importantly, I’ve realized that I don’t WANT it to be a "process”. I want it to be over already. Decided. Settled. I want to be settled. In our new home – just right and just so. Well, but life IS a process. And this is yet one more glaring example of how that is so.

One also never knows upfront what “The Process” really means. How that will play out. To what conclusion. To my astonishment, I’ve realized the process so far has led me right back to my original assertions of what I want. I am learning that to stay true to self I need to be firm in the face of resistance by others who have their ideas about what might be right for me. So – the process is a deeply internal affair. Of setting my INSIDE home straight. Of staying true to Self, and holding on until the outer matches what I most deeply care about.

As I wrap around this realization and settle in for the long haul – of the process – I realize I get so much calmer. More sane. Less frenzied and in a hurry. I’m seeing that to stay true to the deepest principle one can find inside of one’s own soul is how one stays on track. And, then, maintaining a ton of flexibility in how the details play themselves out around that. Until the whole reflects that truing mark. Sometimes in a creatively new way – but still remaining true to an internal set of deeply held values.

I’ve been amazed to see how much resistance I’ve had to letting this –or anything, really, in my life – be a process. I want to be arrived. Spiritual. Wise. And settled in my new home already.

But, this life, like that blooming hibiscus that arose in my mind’s eye, is a continually changing, ever-growing, versatile, flexible, ever-evolving – process. Having seen this, I’m smiling with the kick I can get out of it.

This. The process.

Contentment

Contentment has become a throw-away word, nearly synonymous with complacent. After decades of mind-altering advertising designed explicitly to keep us discontent for the sake of provoking consumption, we need to stop and look at this.

Joanna Macy points out that we need a “ -- great turning of human consciousness. We are going to have to want different things, seek different pleasures, pursue different goals than those that have been driving us and our global economy.”

Imagine ---- being content. How would that be? Just – rest with that for a while.

I’ve noticed that gratitude is such a close cousin to contentment that any time I’ve ever sat at the kitchen table in Contentment’s house for very long, gratitude has come knocking. And when she comes bursting in through the door, the whole house rolicks!

All kinds of zany things start happening. Joy. Inspiration, even! Jumping up to call someone just to tell them how much I appreciate them in my life!

And – a sense of having so much. Abundance.

More than anything, we need a cultural attitude shift.
Let contentment come sit with you awhile.
It’s bad for consumerism.

And really, really good for our world.

Change from Peace

I hear from you: so many who are feeling the stress of deep change in and on our planet right now. Many familiar systems that are in place are simply not sustainable. And – what can we really do to make a difference? The feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming; the despair crippling.

I suggest what may seem radical in the face of this despair.

Surrender.

Surrendering into the suchness of this moment does not mean resignation to the circumstances. Finding legitimate gratitude and joy where we are does not mean disowning, suppressing or repressing aspects of our situation we find painful. Staying astutely honest with ourselves about all the facets of our experience most aptly enables us to make the changes we need for our well-being.

Being at peace where we are does not mean it will not and cannot change. In fact, it is safe to say it will. All things do. To stay awake to the opportunities for active choices and decisions that are kind to us and our planet in the face of the continual flux that life is – is precisely what steers us where we next need to be, to do that which we most need to do. The circumstance of the moment is our truing tool.

The present moment we most need to accept is that moment which is our-self. Our experience in this moment – right now. Wrapping around our experience with compassionate acceptance gives us the space we need, to live through that which is in us to be.

Stay with your sensations. Embrace them. Be curious about them. Inquire, “Yes, what am I to know here?”

Only by developing a kind inner space will we ever effect lasting change for good on the planet. It is the only way we can make choices based on peace. Agitation begets agitation. Action that arises from a center of peace is on the mark. Always.

Allow the healing of the pain within you in this moment. In every moment in which it appears. Accept. Embrace. Allow space. FEAD1 it differently. Create a safe space in which you can live in peace with yourself.

Be the center of Peace we all need. It is such an important thing you can do. For all of us.

1 http://www.maryanniyer.com/articlesbydr.iye.html. FEAD Yourself a Different Way.