Envy and reality

An individual recently expressed envy to me about my circumstances in life. I’ve wondered about this, every time it occasionally happens, knowing the incredibly arduous path I’ve taken to achieve what I have. The difficult years and expense of medical school. The rigors of my chosen career. Never mind many personal travails that none of these folks know anything about.

But what fascinates me more about this whole thing is a recognition about envy, itself. What I see is that by focusing their energy on resenting me for what I have, those who fester in envy are looking away from their own possibilities. It is, in fact, a surefire technique for never getting what we want if we are caught in expressly noticing what we DON’T have.

I think about all the visualization and imagery techniques I’m familiar with. All of them, without exception, suggest the necessity of focusing on what we DO want – not on what we don’t want. I have a new wrinkle on this whole thing. I’ve noticed that if we focus on what we want with an air of dismissal – in whatever form – we set ourselves up for trouble. If there is a background drumbeat going on that accompanies a tune of “yeah, but –“ Yeah but ANYthing at all other than the purity of our intention, it buggers up the works.

It doesn’t mean we’ll necessarily get all and everything we say we want every single time. But, for sure we’ll be headed in the wrong direction if we have so many self-made obstacles to that trek that we’re shanghaied before we even get out the door!

I’ve done this on occasion, about this, that or the other. What I notice, though, is every single time I focus on the joy of whatever has arisen as a pure desire everything else becomes a nonissue. This is true whether the desire is to receive something or to give something and have it received. In fact, it is the latter category that has most often tripped me up.

But, I notice that if my focus is simply expressing myself as fully as possible, with the pure intention of doing so, I do OK. It is truly not for me to decide where or how far that which I offer goes. It is for me to give it. To show up. To offer what I can, in each moment and to each moment. And to open fully to that which is called forth from within me.

I notice that as I surrender to the joy of experiencing that which I say I want – as an act of pure love in its expression there are simply no issues about it! When I open to the purity of my desire to receive or have something, whether it is a “thing” or a state of mind, there is such clarity of path for its fulfillment. And when I open to expressing that which is in me to give, there is sheer joy in the act, itself.

Receiving and giving feel oddly like just breathing in and out when I do this. There is such sublime joy in the whole flow of this dynamic, I feel myself right on track again. More than anything, giving ourselves permission to live in the innocence of ourselves at this level unbuggers the stuck places.

We were meant for this – this breathing in and breathing out. This simple and pure receiving – and giving. Each of us. In the unique expression of Life that we are. Not to be replaced by any other person in HER pure expression of self. Each of us – enough.