Manifestation

I recently had a conversation with a lovely woman (J.) * about manifestation. She wondered how it was that, with all her dedication to the spiritual path, she was unable to meet the basics of life. A good income, bills readily and easily paid, a nice place to live. Worry over survival lurked in the background of life. How could this be, when she had spent so much time and effort for so long on the path of clearing the inner demons from her soul?

I hear this particular story often. As J. pointed out, there is a fallacy amongst the spiritual that to be holy, one must be poor. An oath of poverty lurks in the background as an expectation. This is reinforced by the attitude of many that if a person is on spiritual path, they should not expect payment for their services – no matter how skilled they are or how useful that which is given.

It's a fine line, I think. Between, as the Buddhists recommend, not having desires that get in the way of our happiness and, on the other hand, being completely honest with ourselves about what our desires and longings actually are. The answer is contained within this seeming paradox. I notice that as we stay honest with ourselves about what's up for us, desires fall away on their own as deeper issues are resolved. Sometimes these desires get met in the basic ways that are needed, sometimes we gain insights that make the original desires seem obsolete. But, going after the desires, themselves, as a bad thing to “get rid of” misses the point.

The demons that most need to be healed are those needing the compassion of acceptance within ourselves. Only then are we led into paths of self nurturance. When we accept what we find we are best able to fully take care of ourselves and that which we are called upon to do. This kind of self-honesty leads us to take care of what is necessary in the outer world. By attending to the inner spaces with kindness, we find a reservoir of strength to do all we are called upon to do. If we try to convey an image that is not true or congruent with the depths of our own soul or psyche, we lead ourselves astray. Often, ironically, staying honest with ourselves in the areas where we have fears and/or anxieties becomes more challenging as we traverse the spiritual path. We KNOW we've tried so hard - have had such good intentions -- why, then, is there still this and this and this we are dealing with?

But, indeed, when we gaze into our soul, above all else we need to be honest. To embark on the spiritual path is to open to ever greater levels of truth. When we rush too soon to meet/fit an image of holiness we are striving to embody, we may miss the most important elements of true self-evaluation which we are being called upon to do. This means we don’t try to be peaceful, calm, or free of desires. We look to see honestly what is encumbering ourselves from the freedom of joy. Becoming ever more honest about the anxiety we feel about our very own survival is part and parcel of this path. If what we find is fear of survival, or unhappiness over how we are being taken for granted or undervalued or any such thing, this is exactly where we dwell within ourselves. With kindness, compassion and great generosity of spirit for that which we have found.

If our mind is still muddied with fear, it does no good to deny it for the sake of image. To motor over fear (or whatever) is to deny a fact of our experience. Inevitably, as the fear space is healed, the necessary desires are fulfilled and the concomitant unnecessary desires and cravings dissipate. These are not things we extinguish by mentally convincing ourselves we shouldn’t have them. To say that desires are the source of our suffering is not to say to go after them with a pickaxe to eliminate them from our psyche. That is actually a form of aversion – the counter and equal force of craving – both associated with suffering.

Above all else, noticing the edges of our own anxiety is most helpful. Anxiety is often such a subtle, deep, penetrating layer of ourselves we don't even recognize it. It just -- IS. And so, to turn to see that shadow requires an adroit self-examining. To notice the pervasive anxiety that actually drives so much of what we do and strive for. To sit in the middle of THAT --- this is to open into such freedom. To stay still in the middle of the sensation of anxiety, itself. To only love ourselves there. To stay compassionate with this yet one more thing, until we stop struggling against HAVING yet one more thing.

Focus on treating each thing you find with compassion. With love and attention and a willingness to see what adventure this desire may be calling you into. Be gracious with this most precious life you have been given to tend. When we live with compassion, all aversive emotions dissipate of their own. In our depths we ARE peace. We ARE love. And this is what we find as all the arguments against that dissipate.


*There were several individuals within a three day period who had this or very similar situation to share with me! This is an amalgamation of these events.

Note to my readers: those of you who follow this blog will wonder the outcome of my May 22nd post. I am happy to report that an adenoma was removed and found to be not cancerous. Thank you for your caring.