Getting Rid of Ego

I recently heard a spiritual pundit admonish his audience to “rid themselves of ego”.

Call it ego, but this runs counter to what I find helpful. I like what Jack Kornfield says: “Enlightenment must be lived here and now through this very body or else it is not genuine.” Not that the body is the ego, but we do feel the many nuances of our “ego” in the body. Every fear we have, every thought, every miff is defined in the body as the sensations we experience. It is through our bodies that we recognize ourselves as individuals in the vast mix of life on this planet. Self who is separate. This sense of being separate defines, in loose parlance, our ego.

It instantly gets complicated.

Because the thoughts and beliefs we embody as a separate self are often cluttered with debris of prior traumas and unkind things taught to us (about ourselves). And every single thought or idea we’ve embraced as part of that “self-who-is-separate” gets involved in every future interaction we have in life. The good, the bad and the ugly. Fears get compounded and aggravated by experiences that line up with our worst thoughts about ourselves and/or life.

Here’s what I’ve noticed. Unless I am really gentle with that place in me that gets all riled up with these threats-to-myself, it only makes matters worse. If I pound on my fear – my ego – with the stern hand of one who is trying to get me in line, to eliminate all this malarkey, I REALLY quake inside. And then go into hiding so I won't notice.

The brutal voice of “reason” is, itself, only another manifestation of ego, of course. That which is separate who “knows” how we “should” be. But, it, too, needs kindness. If we turn around and get into a big fat argument with that part of ourselves it quickly escalates into an all-out war.

See what I mean about being complicated?

So, I notice that the remedy on every front turns out to be kindness. Those Buddhists are on to something when they talk about loving-kindness. It IS the way out. By being gentle and curious, patient and kind, with every single aspect of ourselves that shows up bruised, broken and afraid, we stand a chance for the deep healing we crave. We find we can stand up without fear in this vast world of ours. To take up space and breathe some precious air. To smile and be brave and glad we’re alive.

As the separate entities that we – at least for now – are.

Your Body Does not Lie

Your Body Does not Lie

This phrase has been bandied around a lot in recent years. What does it mean, exactly? There are so many layers of “truth”. Here’s how I think about it.

“Your Body Does not Lie” refers to a certain strata of experience. I believe that at the deepest level of Truth we are shining Light, free of ill-will. But covering this shimmering core is a layer of the muck laid down by decades of beliefs we have developed. Beliefs such as: “I am not good enough.”, or “The world is a scary place, not safe.” become like concrete over time.

Because our sense of self clamors to insist we are good enough, and we long to feel secure, there is often a superimposed layer on top of this murky place. The image we try to convey – and try even harder to believe in – is one that portrays us as “good”, “secure”, “with-it”, and maybe even “cool”.

This is akin to cosmetic surgery, covering only the surface, but it suffices for much of our lives to seduce ourselves and others into a complacency born of not “rocking the boat”. So long as enough people agree with the image, we can glide along as if it were true. Invariably, though, something happens to strip away our self-image. Loss of a job, a relationship, aging, disease. And we scramble to patch things up – at least for a while.

Then the inevitable happens. That underlying murk starts to rumble, and rather like a bad case of indigestion insists itself into our awareness. Mid-life is fraught with all sorts of self-doubt never visited on those of youthful all-knowing minds. For the first time we start to question the mask. The mask has often grown saggy for one thing. Our scramble slows to a shuffle until we, if we are lucky, stop full halt to stare right at the mess. What do we believe about ourselves in that subterranean territory?

It is here, at this level – the subterranean belief system – that our “body does not lie”. Once we awaken to the messages given to us by our ongoing bodily responses to life’s situations, we can start to question the underlying beliefs with greater clarity.

If we feel tension – there is a reason. There is always a reason. The body does not tense in preparation for something unless it thinks that something is going to happen! So, if there is no freight train (metaphorically speaking) in sight, yet the body is poised to leap out of harm’s way, we need to poke around inside of our thinking to discover what we think is surely going to happen. It is here we begin to strike the rich minefield of all the inner characterizations (of ourselves, others and the world in general) that set us up for these warrior or victim or whatever stances.

“The Body Doesn’t Lie” – is about this amazing body being the most perfect barometer available to find, unearth and debunk the myths that drive us.

Or drive us crazy – as the case may be.