Shame

I’ve discovered that shame is the base and core of almost every non-kind thing I do. There is the first layer of recognition —of loneliness or fear or anger or feeling slighted or whatever. Then, there is the shame. When it oozes up from whatever dark depth it comes from and starts to adhere to all the other layers of thinking revolving around point ‘A’, it muddies the entire complexion of the game.

Like sticky glue, shame adheres to our soul and thinking. Thoughts goes awry in deep, cavernous places and ways such that we feel ourselves unable to attend to the most basic of wants, needs, desires. Having rendered our initial impulses as “not O.K”, we also have rendered ourselves incapable of fulfilling whatever the original need was! Hampered and hamstrung by our own thinking, magnetically pulled along the track of shame leads us ever and again into frustrated, angry silence and unfulfilled dreams and longings.

How can we ever, ever get what we want if the first utterance of telling ourselves the truth about what that might be is scuttled into the deep shame of “Forget it!”? Impossible. To tell the truth in any way is a step toward freedom, but especially as it involves ourselves. To just tell the truth upfront about original impulses as they arise – without shame – is indeed a form of liberation!

I see that to deal with the shame very directly – as the thing that most needs to heal – is the answer to many other unfulfilled dreams and desires. The first step is to recognize the falseness of early-learned messages that have burnt their way into our subconscious, telling us that the “perfection” for which we must strive is to be devoid of need, fear or longing. Giving ourselves permission to BE exactly as we are – the whole package of self – is indeed a comforting place to dwell!

Many religious doctrines and their perpetrators would shudder at this idea. Shame and fear – and instigation of self-loathing – has been a cornerpost for many to keep the fires of the faithful burning and returning people back to the hearth of the church seeking forgiveness for their mere existence. So, to find the freedom of soul that might be engendered if one is NOT shamed would purport a mass exodus from the chains that bind. It doesn’t need to be this way.

To become curious – not ashamed – of what such basic emotions as fear and anger are trying to tell us is to make life an adventure. We become unafraid to find out where we lead ourselves when unhampered by shame. To honestly want to know what it is we need; what we are trying to tell ourselves with the movement of emotions. To be not ashamed to be alive in our own skin – with all its moods, storms and weather. Whatever it takes, to free our souls from the heinous agony and anguish of shame is the beginning of a total freedom that invokes Joy and the right to proclaim that which we were meant to be. The freedom of Soul to be kind because it is Its true nature to be so. Trusting that we were created in such a way that to be our True Selves is indeed a blessing unto itself.

Happy. With ourselves and our condition in life. I also notice that I feel much more inclined to be kind to others when my own internal state burns with this fire. I’d call that a deeply moving spiritual experience of the best kind possible.