When teaching Mindful Eating classes, I always pose the question: “Why do you eat?” The reasons class participants give are myriad, and seldom is it true hunger that stimulates the eating response. Emotional eating stands out as one of the major reasons for reaching for food. Anxiety, stress, worry, fear, anger—all can involve sensations that mimic hunger. Furthermore, as sensations go, these all rank as uncomfortable. Smothering them with food has become the coping method of choice for many.
Often, class participants discover hidden reservoirs of pain and suffering, many of which have their origins early in life. As we delve ever deeper into the roots of our maladaptive behavior associated with eating, we find ourselves wrestling with the demons of the past that continue to haunt the psyche with their messages of inadequacy, failure, and so on. I have found that by facing, embracing, allowing space and invoking divine grace (FEAD), participants begin to find a different way to deal with the empty spaces left in the wake of attacks from these difficult voices inside. In other words, they learn to FEAD themselves differently. Here’s what I mean:
1. Face it: Whatever is troubling you, wherever you feel the tension, anxiety or pain inside—pause right there and see if you can get a deeper, fuller sense of this place in you. Relax all around it and let it be. Face it squarely, giving it full permission to be there just as it is. Approach this place of discomfort with a sincere curiosity. There is something awry here, in this which is you, and you want to focus on knowing at a deeper level what that is.
Amazingly, as we do this, safety grows around parts of us that have historically felt rejected, shut off and abandoned. Simply because we approach these areas of ourselves and our lives with interest, the pain often begins to abate.
2. Embrace it: Go one step further. Approach this place of pain and offer it loving acceptance. Let it be there, with the full understanding that pain requires kindness, not rejection. Treat it as if it were a hurting child. In many ways, it is.
The healing begins here. As that which has been rejected feels itself being pulled back into the fold of the living with your warm embrace, it instantly begins to relax in a way that is uniquely healing and nurturing.
3. Allow Space for it: As you breathe deeply, embracing that which is hurting, begin to loosen your grip somewhat. Give it permission to be there, and simply allow space for
it—not the space of abandonment in which you turn your back on this part of you that is suffering, but a warm, fully loving and safe space. Compassionate space. Develop the capacity to love each part of yourself.
This means dropping the self-criticisms and judgments that have been aggravating the problem all this time. It means allowing room for change where in the past you may have begun a cycle of self-punishment. Explore this: just focus all your attention on breathing into a compassionate space around the area of pain, and watch with gentle curiosity.
4. Invoke Divine Grace: A last important step in this process is to invite into the picture an awareness that surpasses what you have known to be possible up to this point. We want to change old, repeating patterns that have caused ourselves and others harm. Sometimes, this means not only allowing space, but inviting new ideas to enter into that space. Whatever your belief system, invoke that which is beyond what you currently know to be possible. This expands the space into dimensions of possibility that your conscious mind has not yet realized, and is the basis for deep and lasting change.
Often, the last thing in the world we want when we are in pain is to feel more of the pain! We do everything in our power to escape, cover it up or otherwise remove it from our lives. Eating, for many, provides temporary anesthesia from feeling what hurts. By FEADing yourself differently, you provide safety, nurturance and room to evolve into a whole new way of being. The next time you’re in a tight spot, feeling the constriction inside, I invite you to explore this approach.
This is an excerpt from a longer article which you are free download from: www.maryanniyer.com, in the articles section.
Mary Ann Iyer, MD
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Siblings
So many of you responded to me individually after my last entry about my father’s death. Thank you for your kind words. I was astonished at the number of you who expressly mentioned how lucky I am to have such good relations with my siblings! As one friend said, “It is so strange how we seldom can look to those from our own family for support.”
I’ve given this topic considerable thought – because my goal in these sharings is for authenticity that is potentially useful. So – here is what I want to share. From what I’ve observed in my decades of doing counseling work, it seems there are wide variations in regards to sibling relations. Some of you have close relations; for some of us -- these are our toughest places.
My belief runs along the lines (let’s see if I can capture this --) of karmic pattern playouts. In other words – we will each, somewhere or somehow get into situations most apt to push our deepest buttons. Some of us were born into a family that serves that function. For me (and for many of you, based on the feedback I got) - the family of origin serves as a constant playground for the reflection of our deepest wounds.
Consider this approach: welcome it. Not because it is fun – it is the hardest work I know of! But, because when we are bent on a path of waking up -- how better to do this than to tangle with those who see (and magnify) the hidden crevices of the worst in you that most people don’t have the glasses for?
I can truthfully say that the relations I have with my siblings are among the most difficult I have. I’ve spent many years turning this over and coming to peace with it. This is what I’ve learned thus far: I realize these relationships are not guarantees of love and support. And -- –I find it much saner to not expect that from my siblings.
In my case – again and again, I come back to the simple question of what I can learn – in this, and this – and this. About myself. About my life. And my relationship with Precious Life, itself. This is where I’m putting my money.
At the end of the day, it is – for each of us – our selves and only our selves we are accountable for. And – only the reverberations of our own hearts that define our existence. ANY one who serves the function of revealing what may be the “worst” in us is actually – believe it or not – on our side. Anyone who invites us to explore what is true – and what isn’t in such a way that we can deeply know for OURSELVES that we are innocent under it all – is promoting our freedom. What I discover – again and again – is a deep well of innocence under it all. A lot of delusional thinking – yes. But – innocence. In us all. I let the pain from attacks to provoke me to dig deeply enough inside of me to find that place. Oh, it is sweet freedom!
Sibs. Aren’t they great? Dig deeper ~
I’ve given this topic considerable thought – because my goal in these sharings is for authenticity that is potentially useful. So – here is what I want to share. From what I’ve observed in my decades of doing counseling work, it seems there are wide variations in regards to sibling relations. Some of you have close relations; for some of us -- these are our toughest places.
My belief runs along the lines (let’s see if I can capture this --) of karmic pattern playouts. In other words – we will each, somewhere or somehow get into situations most apt to push our deepest buttons. Some of us were born into a family that serves that function. For me (and for many of you, based on the feedback I got) - the family of origin serves as a constant playground for the reflection of our deepest wounds.
Consider this approach: welcome it. Not because it is fun – it is the hardest work I know of! But, because when we are bent on a path of waking up -- how better to do this than to tangle with those who see (and magnify) the hidden crevices of the worst in you that most people don’t have the glasses for?
I can truthfully say that the relations I have with my siblings are among the most difficult I have. I’ve spent many years turning this over and coming to peace with it. This is what I’ve learned thus far: I realize these relationships are not guarantees of love and support. And -- –I find it much saner to not expect that from my siblings.
In my case – again and again, I come back to the simple question of what I can learn – in this, and this – and this. About myself. About my life. And my relationship with Precious Life, itself. This is where I’m putting my money.
At the end of the day, it is – for each of us – our selves and only our selves we are accountable for. And – only the reverberations of our own hearts that define our existence. ANY one who serves the function of revealing what may be the “worst” in us is actually – believe it or not – on our side. Anyone who invites us to explore what is true – and what isn’t in such a way that we can deeply know for OURSELVES that we are innocent under it all – is promoting our freedom. What I discover – again and again – is a deep well of innocence under it all. A lot of delusional thinking – yes. But – innocence. In us all. I let the pain from attacks to provoke me to dig deeply enough inside of me to find that place. Oh, it is sweet freedom!
Sibs. Aren’t they great? Dig deeper ~
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Spring - death and rebirth
Spring --- the time of great change and rebirth.
My father died the first week of February – sudden, unexpected. He was “the healthy one” – and left my mother, who needs 24/7 supervision in his wake. It has been a time of finding the new in the ashes of the sudden changes.
I've always thought of Spring as a time of new growth. What I've realized in recent years is that often the newness arises from a depth of loss. Each year for several, I've noticed some catastrophe in February: loss of a husband, parent in hospital, death of a relative.
As I notice the changes clustering around this recent death of my father, I am reminded of the glistening newness of it all. And – it is amazing to watch each day unfold with the question of “what are the possibilities” – given this, and this, and this – new conditions revealing themselves constantly and rapidly in this course of events.
My mother, now in an assisted living situation in which her face lights up with new friendships. The lightening of our family history as my siblings and I review the accumulated possessions and habits of their 58 years of married life. Sorting. Talking. Discarding. Keeping and cherishing. Like the crocuses popping up in their vibrant purple and white hues, we all have a sense of starting again. And -- I feel my father in a glorious state and condition – very happy. I know this to be true.
Different conditions, new circumstances, some closets empty, some new places of the heart exposed.
I am grateful - for it all.
My father died the first week of February – sudden, unexpected. He was “the healthy one” – and left my mother, who needs 24/7 supervision in his wake. It has been a time of finding the new in the ashes of the sudden changes.
I've always thought of Spring as a time of new growth. What I've realized in recent years is that often the newness arises from a depth of loss. Each year for several, I've noticed some catastrophe in February: loss of a husband, parent in hospital, death of a relative.
As I notice the changes clustering around this recent death of my father, I am reminded of the glistening newness of it all. And – it is amazing to watch each day unfold with the question of “what are the possibilities” – given this, and this, and this – new conditions revealing themselves constantly and rapidly in this course of events.
My mother, now in an assisted living situation in which her face lights up with new friendships. The lightening of our family history as my siblings and I review the accumulated possessions and habits of their 58 years of married life. Sorting. Talking. Discarding. Keeping and cherishing. Like the crocuses popping up in their vibrant purple and white hues, we all have a sense of starting again. And -- I feel my father in a glorious state and condition – very happy. I know this to be true.
Different conditions, new circumstances, some closets empty, some new places of the heart exposed.
I am grateful - for it all.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Receiving
I enjoy the nuances of the seasons. And this year, I am also noticing – without disgruntled resistance – the impact of the passing conventional holidays. For instance, even with its ornamental, commercial interests, Valentine’s Day perks up certain closets of the heart.
So I’m going deeper into this. Curious. Asking myself what, if any, parts of myself are resisting just plain receiving love? When I grouse about the icky mounds of superfluous pink (just get on with the chocolate, will you?!), what momentum am I creating to push away the heart of the sender? How much closeness can I really handle?
It’s fertile ground – this. Noticing the myriad internalized structures of this so-called protection lest there be some (god forbid) moment of vulnerability.
I invite you on the journey. See how deeply the moments and movements of love sent your way can go – and when the reception gets cloudy -- -tune in! Open up. See what receiving love this time of year tastes like!
So I’m going deeper into this. Curious. Asking myself what, if any, parts of myself are resisting just plain receiving love? When I grouse about the icky mounds of superfluous pink (just get on with the chocolate, will you?!), what momentum am I creating to push away the heart of the sender? How much closeness can I really handle?
It’s fertile ground – this. Noticing the myriad internalized structures of this so-called protection lest there be some (god forbid) moment of vulnerability.
I invite you on the journey. See how deeply the moments and movements of love sent your way can go – and when the reception gets cloudy -- -tune in! Open up. See what receiving love this time of year tastes like!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
This New Year
It's a man-made construct - the notion of the "New Year". The cycles of the seasons are continuous and ongoing. And I love that this idea we've agreed on - defining winter as the time to designate new beginnings - is in keeping with the natural flow. All goes inward in nature in the winter. The sap slows, deepening down into the roots. Only the healthy stock survives to face, grow and blossom into the new year.
It is a time when many make resolutions for this next turning of the wheel. What I notice is that many of these promises-to-the-self are taken on externally like a cloak. And - like a costume wrapped around, they easily fall by the wayside as the year progresses. My clients come to me in dismay about their inability to keep their commitments to themselves.
I propose that we take the time to go deeper. Settle in to the more stable center from which our actions and activities originate. Seek there the deeper intent behind or beneath those external resolutions. Then, turn that awareness into a mantra of sorts - a daily invocation to honor our deepest intentions. This gives us the strength to hold the focus of what is important by also providing the flexibility to sway with the changing circumstances that our daily lives will most definitely give us!
To you - in the Joy of the ever-changing Seasons; and the strength of the core of your Heart ~
It is a time when many make resolutions for this next turning of the wheel. What I notice is that many of these promises-to-the-self are taken on externally like a cloak. And - like a costume wrapped around, they easily fall by the wayside as the year progresses. My clients come to me in dismay about their inability to keep their commitments to themselves.
I propose that we take the time to go deeper. Settle in to the more stable center from which our actions and activities originate. Seek there the deeper intent behind or beneath those external resolutions. Then, turn that awareness into a mantra of sorts - a daily invocation to honor our deepest intentions. This gives us the strength to hold the focus of what is important by also providing the flexibility to sway with the changing circumstances that our daily lives will most definitely give us!
To you - in the Joy of the ever-changing Seasons; and the strength of the core of your Heart ~
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Organic Back to School
Is organic living and eating easy for you – until the school year rolls around? Do you despair of how to keep your kids on a healthy diet, knowing they face standard cafeteria food fare every noon? Most of our local schools offer salad bars and healthy choices – but even so, children are bombarded daily with advertising seductions to go for the fad of the day.
Here are a few tips to make it easier:
1. Make your own.
This sure seems like a good idea – until the reality of time crunch hits. Or the fallout from peer pressure seeps in the front door with whining protests. If everyone is chowing down on Sloppy Joes and French fries and your child is the lone carrot-cruncher, she’ll feel isolated as a matter of course. It would take a huge personality to overcome this disparity.
2. Make it easier.
Find out what the going “thing” is currently – and duplicate it as much as possible: Sloppy Joes? Easy enough to make this in advance from good, organic ingredients to send along. Or – if you prefer vegetarian, how about tofu in a tomato sauce over a bun? Why not? Some might not even notice the difference. You get the idea. Be creative!
3. Involve others.
Gather with like-minded adults who have children of your child’s age. Agree in advance what the “menu” for your select little cooperative will be. Three – or five children eating the same thing constitutes a peer group too, and protects them from the isolation factor. You may find others who’d like to take turns, and form a rotating round of responsibility for the day’s fare. Imagine that – only prepping once a week for five children. Voila – you’ve addressed the time crunch, too!
You should also know about a few programs and the efforts that your local school is making along the lines of “keeping it healthy” for the sake of the kids who attend. There are individuals dedicated to making this challenge easier for us all.
The local “Farm to Table” program features a different farm each month. Participants make presentations and focus on local, healthy, organic foods, inspiring the youngsters to develop a taste for what’s good for them by making it interesting. .
The “Interfaith Farm and Food Partnership” is funded by a USDA grant and offers ongoing education in the realms of nutrition and food – eating, preparation, and origins.
Additionally, many schools make a concerted effort within the confines of their own halls to make a difference for the sake of the youth who attend. Marcy Hermens at Hoover Elementary comments, “We try to create relationships with healthy vendors for donations. For example, we offer yogurt instead of ice cream for snacks when we are able.”
Reach out at the next parent’s gathering. Connect with your neighbors. Make an effort to get to know your child’s favorite friends. Form that mini-cooperative. Call your school office and ask about the need for volunteers or connections for the programs they participate in. And take it from there. Your child may become part of a growing collective for whom healthy is the norm!
full article at: www.maryannwallace.com
Here are a few tips to make it easier:
1. Make your own.
This sure seems like a good idea – until the reality of time crunch hits. Or the fallout from peer pressure seeps in the front door with whining protests. If everyone is chowing down on Sloppy Joes and French fries and your child is the lone carrot-cruncher, she’ll feel isolated as a matter of course. It would take a huge personality to overcome this disparity.
2. Make it easier.
Find out what the going “thing” is currently – and duplicate it as much as possible: Sloppy Joes? Easy enough to make this in advance from good, organic ingredients to send along. Or – if you prefer vegetarian, how about tofu in a tomato sauce over a bun? Why not? Some might not even notice the difference. You get the idea. Be creative!
3. Involve others.
Gather with like-minded adults who have children of your child’s age. Agree in advance what the “menu” for your select little cooperative will be. Three – or five children eating the same thing constitutes a peer group too, and protects them from the isolation factor. You may find others who’d like to take turns, and form a rotating round of responsibility for the day’s fare. Imagine that – only prepping once a week for five children. Voila – you’ve addressed the time crunch, too!
You should also know about a few programs and the efforts that your local school is making along the lines of “keeping it healthy” for the sake of the kids who attend. There are individuals dedicated to making this challenge easier for us all.
The local “Farm to Table” program features a different farm each month. Participants make presentations and focus on local, healthy, organic foods, inspiring the youngsters to develop a taste for what’s good for them by making it interesting. .
The “Interfaith Farm and Food Partnership” is funded by a USDA grant and offers ongoing education in the realms of nutrition and food – eating, preparation, and origins.
Additionally, many schools make a concerted effort within the confines of their own halls to make a difference for the sake of the youth who attend. Marcy Hermens at Hoover Elementary comments, “We try to create relationships with healthy vendors for donations. For example, we offer yogurt instead of ice cream for snacks when we are able.”
Reach out at the next parent’s gathering. Connect with your neighbors. Make an effort to get to know your child’s favorite friends. Form that mini-cooperative. Call your school office and ask about the need for volunteers or connections for the programs they participate in. And take it from there. Your child may become part of a growing collective for whom healthy is the norm!
full article at: www.maryannwallace.com
Friday, August 13, 2010
Dill It Up!
Mary Ann Wallace, MD
www.maryannwallace.com
We gardeners share certain maladies of abundance. If you garden, I’m sure you’ve encountered at some point in your illustrious efforts a full-bore attack of zucchini glut. I’ve been struggling of late with keeping my attitude of gratitude for abundance in the face of ever growing hordes of ever-enlarging zucchini.
You know what I mean.
Leaving completely out of this conversation the question as to whether I have a sufficient supply of good natured friends willing to divest me of this so-called bounty, I will steer us along the lines of a few good discoveries I’ve made about how to work up all this good stuff. (See? Am I displaying a great attitude or what?)
We often have zucchini for breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner! In one exemplary day recently, we had zucchini bread for breakfast, sautéed zucchini with zucchini flowers and basil and zucchini pickles for lunch with zucchini cookies for dessert, dried zucchini rounds for a mid afternoon snack and zucchini frittatas for dinner. That wasn’t all we had – but you get the idea.
I have, thus far, steamed, sautéed, minced, mashed, baked, broiled, boiled, dried, breaded, lasagna’d, omelette’d, cookie’d, cake’d and mixed zucchini with every imaginable combination and spice. Even zucchini juice is tasty. And – of course – we all know that a requisite in every Christmas basket from those such as us is a nice (un)frozen loaf of zucchini bread.
And then I found the standard recipe for dilly beans in one of Rodale's time honored ancient texts. My beans and I are getting along fine, thank you. But the zucchini. That’s where I’m in a pickle! Hmmm. Why not? It just so happens the renegade dill volunteering all over the garden and associated pathways are also rampant. Replace beans with squash and call them Dill Zucchini.
It worked! So – here’s the recipe only slightly modified with gratitude to those who have gone before us, bearing the fruit of their labors:
Dill Zucchini
4 pounds zucchini
1 garlic clove per pint jar
¼ tsp. crushed red pepper per pint jar
5 cups vinegar
½ tsp. whole mustard seed per pint jar
5 cups water
½ tsp. dill seed per pint jar
½ cup salt
Wash and cut zucchini into slices to fill pint jars. Pack slices into clean, hot jars; add pepper, mustard seed, dill seed, and garlic.
Combine vinegar, water, and salt; heat to boiling. Pour boiling liquid over the zucchini, filling jars but leaving ¼-inch headspace. Seal and process in a steam bath for 5 minutes.
Yum - What a dill!
www.maryannwallace.com
We gardeners share certain maladies of abundance. If you garden, I’m sure you’ve encountered at some point in your illustrious efforts a full-bore attack of zucchini glut. I’ve been struggling of late with keeping my attitude of gratitude for abundance in the face of ever growing hordes of ever-enlarging zucchini.
You know what I mean.
Leaving completely out of this conversation the question as to whether I have a sufficient supply of good natured friends willing to divest me of this so-called bounty, I will steer us along the lines of a few good discoveries I’ve made about how to work up all this good stuff. (See? Am I displaying a great attitude or what?)
We often have zucchini for breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner! In one exemplary day recently, we had zucchini bread for breakfast, sautéed zucchini with zucchini flowers and basil and zucchini pickles for lunch with zucchini cookies for dessert, dried zucchini rounds for a mid afternoon snack and zucchini frittatas for dinner. That wasn’t all we had – but you get the idea.
I have, thus far, steamed, sautéed, minced, mashed, baked, broiled, boiled, dried, breaded, lasagna’d, omelette’d, cookie’d, cake’d and mixed zucchini with every imaginable combination and spice. Even zucchini juice is tasty. And – of course – we all know that a requisite in every Christmas basket from those such as us is a nice (un)frozen loaf of zucchini bread.
And then I found the standard recipe for dilly beans in one of Rodale's time honored ancient texts. My beans and I are getting along fine, thank you. But the zucchini. That’s where I’m in a pickle! Hmmm. Why not? It just so happens the renegade dill volunteering all over the garden and associated pathways are also rampant. Replace beans with squash and call them Dill Zucchini.
It worked! So – here’s the recipe only slightly modified with gratitude to those who have gone before us, bearing the fruit of their labors:
Dill Zucchini
4 pounds zucchini
1 garlic clove per pint jar
¼ tsp. crushed red pepper per pint jar
5 cups vinegar
½ tsp. whole mustard seed per pint jar
5 cups water
½ tsp. dill seed per pint jar
½ cup salt
Wash and cut zucchini into slices to fill pint jars. Pack slices into clean, hot jars; add pepper, mustard seed, dill seed, and garlic.
Combine vinegar, water, and salt; heat to boiling. Pour boiling liquid over the zucchini, filling jars but leaving ¼-inch headspace. Seal and process in a steam bath for 5 minutes.
Yum - What a dill!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)