Changing the Patterns

Those who take my Mindful Eating class know that I insist that we not talk about weight loss. We focus, instead, on the roots of what we’re carrying around – whether it’s weight or something else – that is not something that we want. The first– and sometimes difficult - part of that is to love ourselves as we are. When we really get a good handle on that, when we can look at ourselves and where we’ve been and see it with great compassion, we are on our way home. “I know how I got here; I see what my experience has been –“. Not just as a neutral statement, but with heart bursting with compassion. As if we could see that earlier self, right now, enduring, doing all (s)he can just to survive. We aren’t focusing on “fixing” our weight, but rather on letting that scared, hurt part of us experience safety and what it feels like to be cared about.

We need to be extraordinarily gentle with ourselves when we feel afraid. And not have an expectation of self that is not realistic as well. Sometimes we can’t come back to inner balance until we get out into the car, or get home, or sit with our diary, or go for a long walk, or overeat - or whatever we need to do to get to a place where we can sit down with ourselves and say, “OK, let me get down to the root here and what do I need to do for me? What am I going to do to take care of me? ” And – not selling ourselves out as fodder to buy permission to exist.

As soon as we wake up to the pattern, itself, it starts to shift. We need to allow for the possibility that it can be different – especially if we’ve had a long-term condition. This can be one of the biggest challenges for us in making the necessary changes to authentically get out of the mire. To allow room for whatever it is – overweight, a chronic ailment, an ailing relationship - to be different. Whatever it is where we feel like “that’s the story of my life.”

Click here: http://www.maryanniyer.com/articlehome.html for the full article, which includes a meditation for integration: “Finding Your Innocence”.

Eating with Care

I am often asked for advice about "how to" change eating habits. Below is a short list of suggestions:
1) Slow it down
- Notice what you are eating, and that you are eating
- Pay attention to how your body feels as it is satisfied with just the right amount of food
- "Fast foods" is an oxymoron
- Stop eating when you are satisfied. Boxing up leftovers is OK - even at home
- Be sure to notice if you're actually thirsty - try water first
- Brush your teeth right after you eat
2) Make it special
- Sit down. Prepare the meal for a guest (you qualify as a guest)
- Use smaller plates and serve yourself only the food you need - with care
- End a meal with a ritual - whether it be a dab of dessert, tea, an after meal mint
3) Notice what is driving the eating
- Ask yourself if you are really hungry - or feeling anxious or some other charged emotion that you are uncomfortable with
- Have a list handy of other things you can do to meet the actual need. Make it easy
- Know your difficult times and act preventively
- Enlist the help of a friend
4) Focus on gratitude
- Thankfulness is just what it says: being full of thanks. It is the fast track to not feeding an emptiness that doesn't really need food
- Expressing gratitude before a meal helps the mind engage in the right framework for eating in the most nourishing way possible

Above all else - be mindful. If you are stuck in a pattern of eating you don't like, chances are that either: a) it's just a mindless habit, or
b) there is a recurring inner anxiety (be it from loneliness, stress or whatever that is "gnawing" at you) - and you are feeding it with food instead of dealing with the underlying root.
In either case, increasing the capacity to notice - or be mindful - will help to open up the space to deeply and authentically make change.
Please note: There is a list of suggestions in Appendix D of my book, "Mindful Eating: Mindful Life"
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