Being at Peace where We Are

I’ve been grappling with a question a beloved reader sent: how to feel peace in a world so torn by war and greed, rape of the environment and each other?

It can be a hard world. The news bears that out and drives it home. I’m not sure it’s ever been otherwise, but the sheer volume – of people; of the technologies that make destruction possible more rapidly; of the frequency we are reminded of trouble via media – has upped the ante of our experience of it all. I, too, have wondered, “what to do?” Here are a few of my thoughts.

We tend to think that the only way to provide relief from suffering is to fix something. Something outside of us that is terribly wrong. Obviously something is wrong – or else why would there be so much suffering? In our frantic search for “what to do?” we often feel ourselves worn out and drug down. Hopeless. Defeated.

And, indeed, there are things that, being changed, would reduce the suffering for many. But I’ve concluded that turning our faces to the sun for a little will not likely make matters worse for our lack of attention. Like a plant fixing nitrogen in the soil to enrich it, allowing a few rays of joy into our own lives and hearts can do more good than all the worrying we might be doing. This is not an act of denial, but rather an act of allowance. Allowing the Sunshine in. A bit of Divine Grace. Giving ourselves the nourishment we need to follow-through with the Heart’s inspiration for action.

This is not to imply a judgment against ourselves if we are feeling depressed about the state of affairs – in the world or in our lives. Rather, it is a call for attention of a different sort. To turn around and be caring for the suffering we, ourselves, hold is a bigger step than we realize. If we wait to attend to our own Precious Hearts until after the world is cleaned up, we may miss a whole lot of life. A lifetime spent in the dregs has not likely helped the state of the world, either. If there is a hidden belief that we are not allowed to feel Joy while others suffer, it is a consignment to hell - because when will that be, exactly?

Try this: face that place inside that is suffering. Go there. Imagine putting your arms around her/him. Say “I care.” Pause. Just hold you for a while, pouring the caring of your heart into this place of suffering. Then – imagine allowing a little space in which you open in genuine curiosity. Ask: “What do you need?” Keep it personal. Don’t set yourself up for failure by making your own happiness dependent on the state of the world or other people’s behavior. This is hopeless. Rather, keep it at the level of self-honesty – for self. This is not as selfish as it may sound, as we’ll see in a moment.

Finally, simply invite Divine Grace – or wisdom – in. Imagine handing the inner turmoil over to a Benevolent One. Be receptive to help – in whatever form and surprise it may take. Stay receptive as ideas come to you, and then stay receptive for a while longer to feel yourself deeply nourished. Whatever you feel called to do will then be tapped into a well of nurturance that you can return to again and again – independent of outcomes or reactions from the outside world.

What I find is that to be of an open Heart within myself, living in an internal environment that is kind, I have the energy to “show up” where I’m needed. Depressed? Not so much.

Being kind to ourselves is under-rated – and not a substitute for caring for the world. It is, rather, at the very core of it!

www.maryanniyer.com
September, 2011

Anger2

What do we do when we’ve lost our temper and said or done things that were hurtful? We regret our action but don’t know how to undo the damage. And – not knowing what to do – we often castigate ourselves into a hole deeper than where we started before our upset. In addition to lashing out against others, we usually also have a voice that goes on and on about our own badness. We become so convinced of these falsehoods of our own concoction that we end up in a quagmire - depressed and dejected.

Let’s pick the above sequence apart because it contains the clues we need to undo ongoing damage.

Let’s say we really let somebody have it. The barrage that came out with all the full force of anger was designed to hurt. In that moment, we had no interest in some spiritual idea of “revealing the truth”. Rather than cutting through falsehoods with the sharp words of our tongue, we added to the mound of problems. We obviously blew it. We’ve begun to see what we may have lost in all this. And now, we want to make it right.

Most of us fear anger precisely because we know that it can do great harm. When we want to make amends, we have a special vulnerability inside. Often in the mix is a sense of fear that our attempts might not work out. We may have done irreparable damage to someone or something we care about. If we’ve spoken from anger, we’ve unleashed a powerful force. We may feel confused and a little disoriented. We may be uncertain what we were really so mad about to start with. And what, exactly, that “truth” was that we were trying to get to.

Here is a key: if we let ourselves face squarely into what we most fear in this situation, we can open the channel for deeper awareness and healing. Because hatred and anger directed outward reflects a place of pain inside of the self – its occurrence is a powerful clue to look within. The anger is a call to attention. This is an enormously charged fulcrum upon which we can actuate the potential for change. As I mentioned earlier, there is often pain beneath our anger that has been too terrifying to yet face. It is trying to surface now for healing – all wrapped up in the protective garb of anger.

This is the path to freedom: go deeper into the fear space. Presume the worst you can imagine – then ask yourself “and this means ----?” Specifically, what does this (or might this) mean for you? What are the implications or possible ramifications of the damage you most fear in your life? Listen to the tone of voice you are using with (and/or against) yourself. What are you saying? Use FEAD here. Be kind. Embrace yourself. Be curious. Let your entire intention at first be to find and allow healing of the festering wound within. Remember that this is exploration for freedom. Your freedom. You might consider asking for help from a professional if the self-examination seems just too daunting.

The potential of anger energy is that, when harnessed to the desire for truth, it is a powerful force for good. The thing to remember is that whatever negative, critical attacks we levy against ourselves are the seeds that become future angry outbursts. More than any other place, this is where the anger cycle can most successfully be broken. When we begin to be kind to ourselves, it becomes possible to open in kindness to others. The process becomes self-sustaining. By treating ourselves with compassionate kindness and staying curious about “what just happened”, we are able to be receptive to others in a similar way. We then know, from a deeper place, how and what to say to “the other” to make amends. Because we have cleared our inner space, our words ring with the sincerity of clear intention.

www.maryanniyer.com