So many of you responded to me individually after my last entry about my father’s death. Thank you for your kind words. I was astonished at the number of you who expressly mentioned how lucky I am to have such good relations with my siblings! As one friend said, “It is so strange how we seldom can look to those from our own family for support.”
I’ve given this topic considerable thought – because my goal in these sharings is for authenticity that is potentially useful. So – here is what I want to share. From what I’ve observed in my decades of doing counseling work, it seems there are wide variations in regards to sibling relations. Some of you have close relations; for some of us -- these are our toughest places.
My belief runs along the lines (let’s see if I can capture this --) of karmic pattern playouts. In other words – we will each, somewhere or somehow get into situations most apt to push our deepest buttons. Some of us were born into a family that serves that function. For me (and for many of you, based on the feedback I got) - the family of origin serves as a constant playground for the reflection of our deepest wounds.
Consider this approach: welcome it. Not because it is fun – it is the hardest work I know of! But, because when we are bent on a path of waking up -- how better to do this than to tangle with those who see (and magnify) the hidden crevices of the worst in you that most people don’t have the glasses for?
I can truthfully say that the relations I have with my siblings are among the most difficult I have. I’ve spent many years turning this over and coming to peace with it. This is what I’ve learned thus far: I realize these relationships are not guarantees of love and support. And -- –I find it much saner to not expect that from my siblings.
In my case – again and again, I come back to the simple question of what I can learn – in this, and this – and this. About myself. About my life. And my relationship with Precious Life, itself. This is where I’m putting my money.
At the end of the day, it is – for each of us – our selves and only our selves we are accountable for. And – only the reverberations of our own hearts that define our existence. ANY one who serves the function of revealing what may be the “worst” in us is actually – believe it or not – on our side. Anyone who invites us to explore what is true – and what isn’t in such a way that we can deeply know for OURSELVES that we are innocent under it all – is promoting our freedom. What I discover – again and again – is a deep well of innocence under it all. A lot of delusional thinking – yes. But – innocence. In us all. I let the pain from attacks to provoke me to dig deeply enough inside of me to find that place. Oh, it is sweet freedom!
Sibs. Aren’t they great? Dig deeper ~
